Time to leave

Relationships are always full of challenges and you never know how it may end. Usually it is fun getting to know someone who used to be a stranger. But sometimes, there will be signs that you shouldn’t ignore, because something seems off. You are in the beginning of a relationship or maybe a couple for over a year now, but when you start to feel that something is not going well you should perhaps think clearly about what could be wrong. Here are my 5 signs, that tell me, its time to move on:

  1. They hide you
    You may have been together for a while now but they still didn’t introduce you to friends or family, neither do they seem to talk about you in their circle?! They act pretty much like they “single“, when they go out with their friends and don’t seem to want to introduce you anytime soon?! There is no rule on when to introduce a new partner to your beloveds, but you shouldn’t wait too long because that will lead to doubt and shows, that you are not willing to commit.
  2. Constantly testing your boundaries.                                                                            They know that you said no for example, but they still provoke you and test your boundaries. What would you do? Or how much would you do for them? What about jealousy? They demand that you spend more time with them although you have things to do and get mad when you say no? All that testing can sabotage your relationship and make your partner feel pressured and unhappy.
  3. They don’t talk through issues
    It is important to discuss problems when they occur otherwise they will pill up. Sometimes its okay to leave the room to cool down before you have another talk but never leave things unsettled. There is no magic bullet that will make things better, but talking about your problems can help to ease up the situation. A partner who doesn’t like to listen to you and is stepping out of the room although you were in the middle of a conversation (regularly) is being disrespectful and has clearly no interest in solving the issue.
  4. You justify their bad behavior
    Did they maybe hit you or tend to be emotional abusive, but you always make up excuses for their behavior? Like: They didn’t mean it, they were just drinking a little bit too much” or “They were stressed, and I was talking too much so they got annoyed”. Listen, there will never be an excuse for such a behavior and you shouldn’t keep up with it either.
  5. Being together with an extreme egoist
    Rules are broken and boundaries trespassed, but an egoist will rarely take accountability for any of it. It is harder to figure them out and you are sometimes on your own when you need help, because they rather get help then help others. Its mostly about what they want or need and you will never be their first or second priority.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Don’t forget that you always have the possibility and opportunity to leave a unhappy relationship.
    If you have a point to add which is important to you feel free to write a comment. T.H.

The I am going ghost type: (actually wanted to use it for my book)

Oh, I’m sure we all know that one guy /girl who suddenly went ghost although you thought everything worked out so far. Could be that this happend after your thirst date or after a few months. If it happened after just 1 date who cares, but when you are seriously dating or are in a relationship then that’s a whole different story.
I am not lying when I am telling you that this happened to me after 5 months of dating. Yes, 5 months. Everything went well or that was what I believed. We went on dates, I met his friends and his brothers, and we always had fun when we were together. His birthday at that time came up and It was strange that I was not invited. His best friends called me and asked where I was and if something happened, but I could not answer since I had no clue what was going on either. We did meet up again afterwards and I gave him a present (I know, again stupid me) and we celebrated to make up for it. We parted that weekend making plans to drive to another place to do some sightseeing but the day on that promised date he never called nor texted me. The only thing I got a week later was an apology from his best friend. No, not from him, from his best friend and I never heard from him again.

What did I do wrong?
Nothing. Yeah, I am a little bit crazy but who is normal anyway. On a serious note though: no, you are not at fault. Sometimes people just go ghost because they cannot handle the situation and they don’t see a reason in telling you why the end it. But mainly they don’t want to hurt you by telling you the truth. Which would be: I don’t want to be with YOU.
we all know that we will keep texting and calling and ask ourselves for days or weeks if we did something wrong.

What we should do!
Move on and delete his number. I am not talking about him being busy and not getting back at you for 3 days because he told you so, no we are talking about the real “I am going ghost types”. The ones who will never text or call you back and explain why they dumped you. The only thing you will do now is getting rid of the pictures you might took together, delete his number and the chat and enjoy a great movie with your girls or go and watch your favorite football team with your crew, because life is too short. That situation proved how less they care about you and your feelings and that they simply didn’t want to be together with you. T.H.

Why do people cheat:

It doesn’t matter if your partner cheated once or a few times. It will still make you feel disappointed, sad and angry. You will ask yourself if you did something wrong. Were you a horrible partner? Did you not show enough love? Did they stop loving you? Were you too needy and nagging? The questions above will pop up in your head and we often begin to blame ourselves for someone else’s actions. But you know what? Stop thinking too much about it and move on. Get out of that toxic relationship and find yourself someone who loves themselves as much as they would love you.Some of you will now say: “It’s not that easy you don’t know what you are talking about”.

Well yes, I do. My first boyfriend cheated as well and hell yes, I was angry and sad, but I loved myself too much to stay in that relationship, so after I lost so much time with him I ended it. I knew he did not feel any remorse and that he would eventually hurt me again if I stayed, see the problem wasn’t with me it was with himself and I couldn’t change that. Neither did I wanted to, since I was still in my early 20s and I am sure he was not the right person for me nor was I the right person for him.

I’m not saying that cheating is good but sometimes there is more to it and you need to dig deeper. Yes, sometimes a partner cheats because they really don’t love you and they were lying to get into your pants. And sometimes although it’s not an excuse they will get wasted and wake up with someone else. But there are a lot of people who will still cheat although they have an awesome partner, a magnificent home, a career and maybe even beautiful and smart kids. I can imagine that this way of cheating though is the worst thing.
I had that conversation with a friend of mine since cheating was the reason for his divorce. He didn’t cheat because he didn’t love his children anymore or had a problem with his wife. He was simply not happy with himself. He tried to find that missing piece to feel completed and all his past issues were just dragged along without solving it. To compensate for that feeling of “lost” he searched for someone else to fill the void in his heart. All the mistakes didn’t change his chaotic state and only hurt himself and the people closest to him. He needed to grow up and find his inner peace first, so he could start a healthy relationship.
I don’t recommend staying with someone who cheated and the faster you move on the better but its always good to look behind the scene to understand another person and seeing problems from a different perspective. There are still many people who won’t cheat since they love and respect themselves and expect that their future partner will do the same thing.
Some people may not like it but it’s better to ask about a person’s past to understand where they are coming from but also to find out how they are thinking and if they have changed. A person who has cheated and is still stuck in the past and as not matured or changed his/her values will likely cheat again. It’s impossible to look at another person’s eyes and be like: “Yep they won’t do it”. But through questions and getting to know someone before you get into a serious relationship you can minimize the chances of finding someone who is unfaithful. So, keep your eyes wide open.

Being committed!

Commitment is something you can find in every aspect of life. You can be committed to god, your religion, your career or your relationship. The definition of commitment in the Cambridge dictionary is as followed:
“a willingness to give your time and energy to something that you believe in, or a promise or firm decision to do something.”

So, what does that mean in terms of relationships?
Commitment is based on respect, loyalty, devotedness as well as honesty. If you both bring those traits into your relationship I am sure that all that distraction and temptation is easy for you to overcome. Open communication is key, that means trying to understand each other, listening while going all in with your feelings and thoughts without hiding important things. For me that is a crucial factor in a relationship or else it won’t last. I want someone who tells me straight out what he wants/needs. Someone who will listen and talk to me when there is a problem and who is not leaving the room because he thinks that I got an attitude problem. Someone who is not flirting/cheating with women on social media or in real live. Commitment is based on respect and if you can’t show respect then you don’t deserve me as your girlfriend or wife.
​Working on your relationship is an everyday task. It is work you need to put in, but when you love someone you will be willing to invest in your relationship. I am either going to give 100% or not be involved at all. Keep in mind that you can’t win a lost battle though. When you start fighting battles you cannot win, you are devoting most of your energy and feelings to a lost cause. It takes two to make a relationship work, so if only one person is putting forth the effort then you should reevaluate your relationship.
These days people use the phrase, “I love you”, loosely and with no meaning and then end up getting married or having children too early without learning the importance of what consistency and commitment in a relationship means. Both parties need to have the same values and mindset in terms of relationships, or else it’s better to leave and go separated ways when you start to notice it’s not going anywhere. I know most of us think that there is maybe someone prettier out there, smarter or whatever but don’t get fooled by social media. If you always leave someone for that reason you will be forever alone. T.H.

Dating scripts

Traditional dating scripts lead to the fact that our society saw dating and relationships in a stereotypical way until now. It is slowly changing but we still see gender differences in what women and men want based on those scripts. Even now it is required that women should act like they are hard to get, while men are the hunters who lead the game.

Let’s take a look at a date between 2 individuals. What do you expect a woman to do? What about the guy? Researchers found out that based on those traditional scripts a woman should act reactive while a man should act proactive. Means, a man should initiate a date and ask a woman out, as well as making the first move and being the dominated part. On the other hand, you have the woman who should dress up nicely, be passive and follow the men’s lead as well as stopping him from going to far on the first date. (The Social Psychology of Attraction& Romantic Relationships…by Madeleine A. Fugére;…)
Those studies were conducted during the 80s and 90s and we have seen a change in todays society. It is still more typical to get asked out by him first and him planning the date, but women are way more confident these days and approach the opposite or same sex faster. A trend shows that western men are more likely to show more emotions and also have less issues in dealing with confident women.
Since we are living in the age of speed dating, group dates and finding someone over social media those scripts become more regulating.
P.s:
Studies showed that men are more romantic than women and also tend to say “I love you” first as well as usually being more traditional in their beliefs. T.H.

Set your mind on success like Warren Buffet

Why are some people more successful in life than others? Why do they achieve things faster? Am I just not smart enough? What do I need to do to change my state of mind to become better? Creativity, imagination and innovation can contribute to a person’s success as much as your IQ or your connection through influential people.
Thanks to Warren Buffet and Steve Jobs I changed my way of thinking. I started to act and not only dream big but to also do everything I can to achieve it. Warren Buffet is as you all might know an American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist who serves as the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway and is one of the most successful investors worldwide.
Not only did I learn that it is okay not to have an opinion on everything, he also taught me to focus on maybe 3-4 things instead on wanting to be great at everything. Most of the people fail because they take on too much and can’t focus. They lose their passion too easily and get frustrated. Well, are there now some rules to success?! Kind of.

  1. Find your passion. Which means that you should love what you do, and you should be 100% behind your business, goal or whatever you want to do.
  2. Don’t care about what others say since there will always be haters or people who know it better.
  3. Knowledge is key, so grab that newspaper or read a book. But read.
  4. Hire well. Make an excellent choice on people you hire or are having in your circle since they can be your source of Inspiration.
  5. Have a margin on safety.
  6. Be competitive to grow or develop your products etc.
  7. Have a competitive advantage to stay successful.
  8. You want to be a successful person?! Then act like one and do the same thing.
  9. Show love and love yourself.
  10. Everyone’s personality is different so schedule your worktime how you like it. Some people like to have more meetings, other people like to work at home etc.

​If you want to read more, I recommend: “Intelligent Investment” by Benjamin Graham or “The Outsiders: Eight Unconventional CEOs and Their Radically Rational Blueprint for Success” by William N. Thorndike which are also recommendations of Warren Buffet, so check it out. T.H.

“In the world of business, the people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love.” Warren Buffet

The law of attraction:

“You attract what you are”.

​I am sure a lot of people have heard about it before and didn’t bother to put a deeper meaning behind it. In terms of relationships you can say that the law of attraction means that people who are insecure, self-abandoning or have a low frequency attract each other while people who are for example positive, caring or self-confident also attract each other. That is a psychological phenomenon and a natural behavior.

Well, let’s look at this scenario: You are a strong, independent, caring and positive person. You have an excellent job, hobbies and awesome friends and one day you meet 2 people who are interested in you at the same time. Both are quite a good catch in terms of looks and are also successful in life. But, while one person is optimistic, kind and open minded the other one sees things usually in a negative aspect, is self-centered and can’t seem to stick to one opinion for long. Who do you think you would choose?! Exactly, person number 1.
In long term we all tend to stick to people who have the same mindset and grind as we do. It is only natural that you are trying to find someone as a friend or partner who has a similar personality and mentality.
You can use the law of attraction also in your daily life or to attract money and success. If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve, you will find a way to make them come true. Imagine who you want to be, what you want to have and change it. Most people may don’t believe it but your thoughts and dreams can be a lethal weapon. T.H.

Why you should choose your relationship status carefully:

We all have the tendency to jump in and out of relationships on a frequent rate. And when you get older and everyone around you starts to get married or has children, society often pressures us into seeking a relationship although we know that we are not ready yet.

Not everyone will directly tell you that you should get married soon, but we all have that one family member or friend who gives us regularly the hint to settle down.

​The truth is, there is no reason why you need to feel bad about your relationship status: I AM SINGLE. Instead you should embrace it. You are the one who decides when you are ready for something new. Believe me, sometimes I have moments when Im thinking about getting married or finding a boyfriend too, but you can’t force it. The instant you force it, you will only get into an unhealthy relationship or start to feel unhappy. I learned to enjoy being single. Why? Because I started to grow as a person. I found my own happiness not in others but inside of me. I am doing my thing and enjoy the time I have and try to use it wisely. The most important thing before getting into a relationship is to love yourself and to know what you want in life. Because if you are not sure and you are still trying to figure yourself out and don’t have the right mindset yet, you will only hurt others and even yourself with your decisions. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve which also means that you need to be ready to give.
A lot of you will now say: “Oh I know all that.”
The problem most people have is that they don’t stick to it. They kind of know what’s the right thing to do but they still jump from one relationship into another, never learning to be alone or are not getting out of an unhealthy relationship since they fear being single and having to start the dating process again. Here the factor of being scared, can lead to people subconsciously searching for a new partner even though they are not ready yet. That will turn into a circle of unhappy events not only for you but also for the person you choose to be in a relationship with.
So sit down, think about what you want in life, what you want from a potential partner and also about what you want to receive and what you are willing to give or invest. Out of experience, I can say that I have hurt someone because I started dating although I was not ready for something new. At that time, I was just starting to figure out what I really wanted in life.
Learn about yourself and love yourself and on the way of being a better you, you will find that special someone. T.H.